How amazing leaders handle conflict
Work isn't always sunshine and lollipops. Sometimes arguments happen. They aren't necessarily a bad thing because they challenge people and encourage new ways of thinking. But the way they are handled can be disastrous if done the wrong way. Discover the habits of successful leaders when handling conflict.
1. They try really, really, really hard to put themselves in your shoes
Whether you agree with what the other person is saying or not. You must ALWAYS try to think of how they feel. Only then can you really empathise and try to come to a fair compromise between both of you. Try to imagine a day in their role or how it must feel to handle all of their responsibilities before you say anything out of anger. By empathising it immediately calms you down and helps you view things from a more level headed point of view.
2. They don't take every disagreement as a threat
When you take confrontation really personally or view it as a threat to yours or their job. It can lead you to blow things out of proportion and act in an exaggerated manner. For example, your employees might complain about a manager because they want you to do something about it, not because they are thinking of leaving. Equally, if you are the manager you should take criticism as an opportunity to change and improve. You shouldn't get annoyed and resent the staff who aren't happy with you.
3. They don't bring up past problems
Stick to the current disagreement you are discussing. Never bring up old issues you have with the person. Don't use it against them to back up your argument. This is just going to create a large web of problems which you'll never be able to solve in one go. If you have unresolved issues save them for a different discussion.
4. They talk about their own feelings rather than the other person's behaviour
To avoid it sounding like you are personally attacking someone for their behaviour. You should always aim to just state how things make you feel. For example, rather than saying "You are awful at putting deliveries away" you should say "It makes me feel really stressed when the deliveries aren't put away properly because I have to do it on top of all my other jobs."
5. They never bring other people into the argument
Just because you know that someone else is also frustrated with someone's behaviour it doesn't mean that you should bring them into the disagreement. The other person may not want to be involved or may have told you their frustrations in confidence. Leave it up to other people if they want to bring up issues, but never involve them in your own disagreements.
6. They offer to help
Sometimes relationships at work break down because people need help but they are too afraid to ask for it. You may be annoyed at your employee because they never help you out with customer queries. But the problem could actually be because they are not very confident with their customer service skills. Offer to help them with their training if you notice that they may need support in certain areas.
7. They swallow their pride
Yes, it's a hard one to do, but at work, you need to act more as a team player than a solo worker. You need to judge the feelings and thoughts of your entire team and go with that, not just your own opinion. Say, for example, a colleague asks you to stop talking about sensitive subjects at work but you object because you firmly believe in freedom of speech. Think about how it's making everyone else feel and not just yourself. Try to be considerate to other people's feelings.
8. They have the disagreement face-to-face
You should never have conflict over email or digital chats because people can take what you say in a different way to how you meant it. How many times have you read a message in a certain tone in your head when it was never meant to be delivered in that way. By having your chat face to face it allows you to adopt a friendly tone and explain things that are unclear. It means the disagreement can be resolved quicker.
9. They forget about the conflict as soon as it's over
Of course, they don't forget about what they learnt from the conflict but they can act as if nothing has happened. This is incredibly important as it stops any bad atmospheres lingering around. You need to be able to say your piece and then move on as quickly as you can. A good way to do this is to make a joke or a light-hearted comment at the end of your disagreement. This way you can end it on a good note with a laugh or a smile. If you want some further conflict management help, take a look at this blog article 6 Conflict Management Strategies for Leaders
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